Kamalame Cay

North Beach was my favorite part of the trip. I loved strolling along the shore, meeting such friendly guests, and snorkeling in the creek, where I spotted colorful fish and picked up some beautiful shells. The nights were something else too, with stars overhead and nature sounds all around. Our room’s outdoor shower may be the best one I’ve ever used. The grounds were lush and beautifully kept, and I found the decor and interior design really inspiring. Every meal was a treat, especially the lunch seafood salad with fresh conch and local fish. Samson gave us a lovely welcome, and Alan, the bartender, made fantastic drinks and was great to talk to. He’s a good dancer, too! Kamalame feels like a special paradise, unlike the other Bahamian islands I’ve visited. I just wish I’d stayed longer.

The ocean views are sweeping, and the private, spacious rooms make Kamalame Cay look like paradise at sunrise and sunset. But the stay itself didn’t come close to matching that impression. For $7,000 for four nights, I expected the service and food to feel luxurious. The food was mediocre, repetitive, and limited to two restaurant options. Drinks didn’t seem to use fresh ingredients or much craft, and the package promised green juice and coconut water that we never got. There were hardly any amenities in the room or bathroom either. The premium all-inclusive felt far from premium, more like a high-end timeshare than an indulgent resort. The managers were kind and tried to help, though most of the service staff seemed checked out. We came hoping to be spoiled, and instead felt let down. By the second day I wanted to leave, and by the third I wished I’d stayed home with Uber Eats and my own bed. The value wasn’t there. As a friend put it, Kamalame? More like Kama-Lame.

Beautiful beaches and delicious food were the bright spots, though the meals were overpriced. Service was slow even for basic requests like bath soap, beach towels, or a ride to the main office for meals. We were supposed to have a golf cart, but they were broken or in short supply. The worst part was being robbed late at night during our honeymoon. Our beach bungalow’s safe didn’t work, and the bathroom door from the outdoor shower wouldn’t lock, so staff could get in at any time. To get back inside after going to the beach, we also had to leave the back door unlocked. Even if you’re only stepping onto the beach for a few minutes, don’t leave anything you care about in the room. We won’t be back.

The spa appointment we’d booked two months ahead turned into a mess. They said they were overbooked when we arrived, then still couldn’t take us when we came back that day. The next day the spa was closed, and calls and texts to the front desk went unanswered. When we finally went in person, we were told the spa staff had already left. Housekeeping cleaned our room once, then locked us out and wouldn’t let us back in, so we had to climb over a fence to reach the outdoor shower. Getting around was a problem from the start. Nobody gave us a tour or even a map, and we were dropped off in the dark without knowing where anything was. Our golf cart already seemed to have a dying battery. Staff said it was fine, so we drove through pouring rain until it broke down. They tried to ram it forward to push it along, which felt reckless and dangerous. I sat in the back holding our luggage and was nearly hit by the cart more than once. It died again on the way to our event, help took ages, and the replacement cart was another hassle. The fridge in the room was broken. There was also a "Happy Birthday" card on the dresser, though neither of us was celebrating. We reported the fridge and were told it would be fixed, but after asking several times over a few days, it wasn’t repaired until the day before we left. By then our food had spoiled. We had no drinking water until the last day, and the restaurant was often closed. There was no room phone, cell service was barely usable, and nobody answered us on WhatsApp. The staff generally seemed uninterested in helping. We raised our concerns with the assistant manager several times and got no resolution. When we followed up by email in December, they ignored us. I finally heard back in January, when they claimed they had comped our "incidentals." With no way to check what that meant, it felt like an empty attempt to placate us. The advertised amenities didn’t match what we found. The pickleball court was a construction site, and the tennis court looked as if it was about to be sold. Wi-Fi was nonexistent. They advertised a hotspot for $70 a day, but when we asked to use it, we were told none were available for the rest of our stay. The safe was broken and the back door wouldn’t lock. A sign said, "If you love it, lock it up," which felt sketchy and suggested there could be theft issues. This so-called luxury resort fell far short of what it advertises. I wouldn’t stay here again. It’s nowhere near a five-star resort or worthy of the luxury label, and I’d tell people to avoid it.