The Birmingham Hotel

We showed up at the last minute with no booking, and Haych found us a room straight away without any hassle. He's really friendly and easy to talk to, and made a situation that could've been stressful feel simple. I'd definitely recommend staying here if you're in the area.

I opened the door to find mould in the wall corners and a mouse running across the room. There was a used, smelly dildo in my pillowcase, which I only discovered after feeling something hard against my head while trying to sleep. The walls were thin enough that I could hear my neighbours next door. In the bathroom, there was someone's poo smeared on the wall with “1:32am” written beside it, and the towels were stained yellow. I have a fear of yellow things, so that felt discriminatory to me. When I turned on the TV, a video featuring fem-boys and furries came on with inappropriate actions. There was a coffee sachet in a pot, but I found out it was cocaine and took it without realising. I started hallucinating and had a stuttering fit. I tried to tell the staff what was wrong, but all they heard was “H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-HELP,” and they looked baffled. In one hallucination, a staff member took the dildo from my pillowcase and used it in front of me. I was astonished. I have knee surgery tomorrow, so this was very convenient and comforting. XX

I haven't seen the guest rooms, since I came for a wedding reception. The reception room was beautifully decorated, and the food was fresh and tasty. The waiting staff were polite, attentive and helpful, as were the other hotel staff. I'd read very bad reviews on Trustpilot beforehand calling the hotel shoddy and dirty, so I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe it's changed ownership or been refurbished. The car park is fairly big but was crowded and chaotic, and getting in and out from the main road was chaotic too. The location isn't very nice.

There were cockroaches everywhere and dead spiders. I also found rotten food under the bunk bed and a random screw. One star.