Malmaison Newcastle

We waited a long time for our Sunday lunch, and expected much better after eating at Mal Maison in York, which had exceeded expectations. Staff were polite and accommodating, so my rating is about the food and wait, not them. The place was very quiet, and now we know why. The beef was dry, even though well done shouldn’t mean dry, and the roast potatoes were drier still. The cabbage was barely cooked and didn’t taste like cabbage. Glazed carrots were lovely, but there were no other vegetables. The Yorkshire puddings were huge but dry as sticks. We heard the pork tomahawk was lovely. The creme brulee was nice, though large enough for four adults. Guess you can’t win them all.

The bridge-view rooms are lovely, and the location is amazing. Service was helpful, and my room was clean and spacious. I used the gym, which had enough equipment, water and towels for a workout, but it was small and hot, and the air conditioning wouldn’t turn down. I was lucky to have it to myself, since there wouldn’t be much room for several people. My one disappointment was the onsite coffee shop serving Starbucks. There’s been an international boycott for some time, and the coffee wasn’t even good, which brought the quality down. Still, a positive stay.

Room 207 was a standard double with a queen bed. I was hoping for a better view, but the room was surprisingly spacious, had two TVs, plenty of power sockets and a Nespresso machine. It was tucked away and really quiet, and the bed was very comfortable. The heating warmed the room quickly. The bath and shower water could have been warmer, though it was okay. The hotel is nice and well located, but the price feels a little high for a regular hotel stay. I understand why it costs what it does.

The Ark Royal suite costs more, but I think it’s worth it, with dual baths, a forest shower, lovely trademark smellies, Sky TV and Chromecast for casting your phone. I’ve stayed here a few times and it’s one of my favourite hotels in the UK. The hotel sits right on the quay along a private road that limits traffic, so nights are lovely and quiet, and you can see the arch from the window. Parking is £6 a day and remains available all day on checkout day. The car park is across the private road, on the third floor in the blue spaces, with lift access. Validate and pay at reception, since it’s linked to the hotel. Breakfast is fresh, relaxed and tasty, with pastries, yogurts, cereals and fruit while you wait for the hot food. Staff are very friendly. Definitely worth a try.