Hotel Monte Carlo

The staff were the one good part, always polite and helpful. Everything else was awful. The breakfast was disgusting, almost inappropriate to eat, and the room was a disaster, with no air conditioning and an old, uncomfortable pillow and bed. I met the owner a couple of times, and she was drunk. I wouldn’t recommend this hotel even for half a day. If it were the only option, I’d rather cancel my trip to Funchal. It’s definitely not three stars.

The long hill down is a downside, and there aren’t any chairs around the pool. There’s no air conditioning either, though that didn’t bother me. They offered a fan, but it was breezy on the hill and I didn’t need it. Breakfast was good and covered all the bases. I loved this historic hotel, especially the amazing views. The staff are wonderful, the pool is very nice and clean, and the rooms are clean with comfortable beds. A lovely bar is set up on the terrace every night. I’d stay again.

It’s a basic, low-end hotel, and the rooms feel very pricey for how spacious yet extremely old they are. The hotel is uphill from the center on a narrow street. Staff are very friendly, though they can be a bit pushy about getting you to buy drinks. It must once have been grand, but now it’s worn and hasn’t been renovated. The rooms are old, with rust everywhere and mold on the ceiling. The common areas are the better part, though they look like the 70s. There’s a nice view and a basic breakfast.

There was no air conditioning, and in humid Madeira summer weather it felt borderline cruel. The toilet was a revolting mess, stained and crusted, with more bugs than a jungle expedition. Breakfast was poor and sad, but at least there was a pool. The whole building felt run down, like time and common sense had abandoned it. The strange decorations were almost spooky. Such a shame.