Moore Place Hotel, BW Signature Collection

We'd travelled up from the north to visit family and friends, and had a fantastic stay. The hotel time was great too, with a homely, welcoming feel and fantastic staff. Thank you all. Mr&Mrs Hoath

Breakfast was nice, at least. The rest of the stay was outstandingly unpleasant, and we won't be back in this lifetime or the next. My wife even muttered that she'd rather stay with her mother-in-law than spend another night in this hell-hole. We were there because major building work at home meant we needed a hotel for a few days. My wife, far too boujee to even consider a Travelodge, chose Moore Place in Aspley Guise expecting some luxury, maybe “the life of Riley.” What we got felt more like Riley's structurally questionable garden shed. Room 86 looked as if someone had decorated it after losing a bet in 1987: scruffy, angry red carpet, “Shrek Green” walls, and the vibe of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen having a nervous breakdown. It smelled unclean and mysterious, like something had died, revived itself, then died again under the bed. The bedding and furniture were covered in stains, so many that we started naming them. There were no table lamps, so a midnight trip to the loo lit up the entire room like Oasis headlining Wembley. The lighting was so harsh I could feel my retinas negotiating their exit package. Random equipment was scattered around as if it were a car boot sale curated by someone who hates people. There were also three pointless staircases in awkward places, and getting around them took all my obstacle-course training and a small prayer. Our key cards stopped working six times in three nights. Every time meant a soggy walk across the car park to reception, where I was treated like a Crimewatch suspect trying to bluff my way into a stranger's room. By day three I was thinking of carrying my passport, utility bills and a character reference.

The evening meal and breakfast were good, and the reception, bar and restaurant staff were friendly and helpful. If I were rating just the staff, it would be five stars. The room brought the score down: it was tired, well past its best and in urgent need of a deep clean or refurbishment. The windows were dirty with dust and cobwebs, and part of the seal had come off. Dust covered the television and bedside lights. The bathroom smelled musty, its extractor fan didn't seem to work, and the tile grout was very mouldy. There was also wiring hanging over the top of the wardrobe, which didn't look particularly safe.

The reception staff were fantastic, personable and so helpful. Shayne went beyond helping with my admin tasks and assisted me in getting everything done. Without Shayne's help, I'd have been in a world of difficulty the next day. I'm hugely grateful.