Hippo Hideaway

For R16 000- for four nights for six people, we expected clean, decent luxury. Hippo Hideaway advertises "luxury" chalets, but they’re townhouses side by side, close enough to hear neighbours sneeze, not secluded at all. There aren’t chalets for six, so we got two units on opposite sides of the lodge. That wasn’t suitable for a family, and they wouldn’t move us closer even though we were the only guests. The units didn’t even have the same utensils: the one for four had no braai tongs, while the one for two did. We let that go, but the cleanliness was worse. Our feet were black after five minutes barefoot because the floors were so dirty, and dust covered everything. We politely asked for another clean. Two days later, when my clothing fell behind a cupboard, I found someone else’s soiled underwear on the dusty floor. In the two-person unit, the door wouldn’t unlock from the inside, so I had to climb out the window to open it from outside. The shower had black mould along the floor, and the door laminate had chipped away to expose chip wood. The owners or management seem to spend on branding instead of the units. Everything has the Hippo Hideaway name on it, from crockery and glassware to matches and water bottles, and I know that kind of custom work costs a small fortune. The eco-friendly shampoo and body wash were the same product, and the chemical smell burned my nostrils. The place is dirty and poorly maintained, and its marketing claims feel like a lie. We left more tense than when we arrived. Take your hard-earned money elsewhere.

The cottage was only cleaned half-heartedly, with stained bedding and towels and a kitchen short on utensils. It’s average accommodation and unhygienic. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Wild hippos watch you as you walk or drive through town, one of those sights you only get in Africa. Don’t spook or go near them, or you could end up a statistic.

It’s expensive, though the location is peaceful. The lounge in the 4 sleeper rooms is below average in size.