Country Place Retreat

We left straight away and had to find somewhere else to stay. The gardens looked neglected, and there was no guide or advice for guests. The whole place felt unsettling and just off, even though I’m not religious or spiritual. It didn’t feel like a retreat or resort at all. They’d lost our three-night reservation at first, then found it and put us in what they called a king room. It felt more like a rollaway bed in someone’s basement. We had to haul our bags over thick, loose gravel from the back car park. They should have told us to bring them in through the front before driving around back. The room was overpriced and tiny, with a musty smell, an old 70s bathroom without a vanity, no curtains, and no view. We could hear people stomping along the corridor within minutes of arriving. The dining area had long tables and smelled like savoury mince, like a nursing home mess hall. Why no restaurant? The place felt isolated and strange. Other bad reviews seem right. The managers have replied that they would address problems, but clearly they haven’t.

The facility is large and the location is lovely, but the walls are thin and noise travels. We were put right next to one of the few other guests. Our supposed garden view was actually a metal wall on part of the building. We had the pool to ourselves, which makes sense: it’s outside and unheated, so it’s not for the faint-hearted.

The location is the one bright spot. It’s secluded among lovely big trees, and the places we wanted to see in the Dandenong Mountains were fairly close. The resort itself was a nightmare, though. Our room looked nothing like the online photos and felt like a fancy prison cell. The whole place had an eerie, abandoned feel. Apart from the man who checked us in the day before, we didn’t see any staff during our stay, so even basic things were overlooked. We had no tissue paper all night. The water also made us sick, and we spent the night going back and forth to the toilet. Such a shame to waste a beautiful, secluded spot on a place like this. Save your money and stay elsewhere.

The surroundings are stunning, but the inside is awful. I wish I’d read the Google reviews first. The nursing home headline was my favourite. Our bedding was dirty, the mattress springs poked through, and the room smelled like it hadn’t had ventilation since the place was built. The bathroom has to be one of the world’s smallest. The shampoo bottles were empty, the TV didn’t work, and the pool wasn’t open, heated, or clean. The rooms and corridors were so noisy it sounded like elephants walking around. It might have been quieter at the end of the runway at Melbourne airport. It reminded me of a disgusting youth hostel from years ago. No staff were around at check-in or checkout, thankfully we only had to put up with it for one night.