Landhaus Berkenthin

I'm Manny, and I'm Muslim, so I told them I couldn't eat pork after ordering regular fries with ketchup and mayo. Instead, a pig's foot showed up. Then he said, "Excuse me," and suddenly needed a pig's snout, which I threw at Michael Winter. I was furious about the snout. Wouldn't recommend it.

We didn't expect luxury or comfort for that price, but surely it could have been clean. The floor looked like it hadn't been vacuumed in weeks, and there were spiders and tiny bugs on the walls and ceiling. The bedding had a strange, hard-to-identify smell, though the shared shower and toilets were at least superficially clean. With the poor soundproofing, a restful night's sleep was out of the question. The place was very run-down, and what a waste of money. If you can find somewhere else to stay, you definitely should.

The room was in poor condition, like an old inn from the 1980s that hadn't been tidied or maintained. Its carpet felt crumbly and had lots of little things on it, so we kept our shoes on. The bed itself was fine, but the pillow smelled indefinably awful, and we slept in our clothes. There was a sink, which looked clean from a glance, but the mirror lamp had years of patina, and I didn't want to touch or use it. Our room and those of our fellow travelers were dirty and run-down, with greasy, dusty surfaces, cobwebs, beetles, flies, peeling wallpaper, and thin walls. Shared toilets and showers looked clean, though not inviting, and towels were available only if requested. The hallway and restroom lights felt like something from a horror movie, dim or flickering, with transformer noises. The welcome was friendly but hectic. The woman seemed to be handling the hotel and snack bar by herself, and the whole building smelled of frying oil, even the room and the booking paperwork. We had trouble finding our way at first, so I went into the snack bar to ask about reception, and found it there. After a quick look at the rooms, I asked about breakfast and was told it was closed on Sundays. We were all glad, since we didn't want to eat there. The entrance door to the guest area stuck, though I was warned about it right away. The room listing mentioned a refrigerator, table, seating area, and dining table. The fridge was old and fairly large, but unplugged, and would have needed more than one night to cool down. Given how neglected and unhygienic it looked outside, we wouldn't have wanted to store food in it anyway. The table, dining area, and seating area all amounted to the same little table and chair. The table stuck out a bit from the room door, though you could get past it. It had a dirty tablecloth, a dusty artificial flower, and two very dirty power strips for the wall-mounted TV and Wi-Fi box. Not attractive or practical, and the same table had been used three times to sell the room. I think that's cheeky. Booking and leaving were easy. We were told to leave the keys in the room the next day. The staff, still friendly despite the stress, let us park our bikes in the courtyard behind the building, and that worked well. The poor condition continued across the property, with a few old, unregistered cars parked there, and the beer garden sign hanging crookedly as if it hadn't been used in ages. We expected more, for the price and for money in general. None of us will stay there again, and we'll advise our friends against it.

A low-cost place to stay overnight while traveling. The room was fine, with a TV, fridge, and free Wi-Fi. You can get food in the bistro, more like construction-worker fare with lots of frozen items, though it still tastes good. Towels aren't included in the price, and there's only a sink in the room. The toilet and shower are down the hall.