Hotel Vibra San Remo

The pool bar was always empty, yet charged prices you'd expect at a 5-star hotel. On the half-board plan, tap water was the only drink included. The dining room felt like a school cafeteria, with staff constantly checking on us and asking for our room number every day. At first the food seemed varied, but it quickly became clear it was the same poor-quality stuff day after day. It was so tasteless it gave me a stomach ache, and after a few days I had to go out searching for decent food. I couldn't wait to leave and forget this nightmare. I've read the 5-star reviews, and can't see how they could be real. I just hope this was a bad dream.

The sea-view room really did have a great view, and the hotel was clean. The buffet was good quality, though there wasn't much to choose from, and the bar service was very slow. You also needed a token to get a cup. Getting a sunbed was awful. There simply weren't enough. The room's AC was switched on but didn't cool anything down. We complained, and a man came in, spent less than three seconds there, said, “It's working,” and left. It was so hot at night that we could hear a pregnant woman crying. That couple ended up booking another hotel, which I completely understood. We found the heat unbearable and had to buy fans for our room.

It's a nice little hotel, and the all-inclusive deal felt like good value despite the average food, which often wasn't very warm. I found the cup token system tedious, and I really don't like plastic cups in a bar. By the pool, fair enough, but not in the evening. The bar shutting at 11 also seemed too early.

The room was much bigger than I expected, with blackout curtains and a great, powerful shower. The TV was a decent size, but none of the channels got reception. Bring a laptop and download something to watch if you want to use it. There's no fridge, though that didn't bother me. The biggest problem for me was the sunbeds. There are some around the pool and other spots that stay sunny all day, but loads of open space where more beds could go. I like to read on a lounger and take the odd pool dip after a few cocktails, so at first I worried I'd miss out on that all holiday. The doors open at 9am, though, and if you queue around 8:45 you'll get a bed easily. It's right by the beach, and I had a very good stay. The entertainment was what you'd expect: karaoke, a couple of singers, and the worst music quiz I've ever taken part in. Skip the quiz unless you know random Portuguese songs. One Spanish entertainer singing Never Gonna Give You Up with loads of energy was brilliant, though. The bar closes at 11pm, which is far too early, hence the three stars for service.