Les Jardins de la Balme

We had 13 sets of skis stolen, and given the way this place is run, I suspect the people managing it, though I can’t say for sure. The man in charge threatened to call the police if we didn’t leave the room in better condition than we found it. The rooms are atrocious, and health and safety are non-existent, with hygiene almost as bad. I came to Les jardins de la balme not expecting much, but was massively disappointed. I wouldn’t let my dog stay here. Don’t book it, it could ruin your whole trip. I’d give it zero stars if I could.

Getting in and out of the building was difficult because of severe ice that hadn’t been salted, and dog poo. Towels cost 7 euros to rent, for one large and one small. A TV costs 50 euros a week, but has no English channels. The apartment is very basic, and a family of four needs the one that sleeps six. The kitchen is tiny and basic, so don’t expect to spend much time there. You really have to love skiing to put up with this place. We travelled with Crystal, who should know better.

Contacting the property was pointless. The number online and the other number we were given on arrival both led only to answering machines. The building seems to date from around 1970, and its equipment, including what was in our room, appears unchanged. The whole place is dark and depressing. In our room it was so dim we needed a flashlight to find things. Some furniture was damaged, including wardrobe sliding doors that fell out. The stairs between levels four and five were literally falling apart, so you had to be careful not to fall. Of the two lifts, only one worked, and it failed for two days during our stay. The kitchen would be far too small and poorly equipped for seven people. Luckily there were only two of us, so it wasn’t a big problem, but the space and very limited old cookware would make it difficult for more. The ski storage room was absurdly dirty, dark, and unheated. The lockers were so easy to open that even a small child could pull one open. We had to dry our shoes in the room using wall-mounted electric heaters. The TV didn’t work, had no remote, and its power cable was disconnected. The underground garage gate was broken and took two strong, tall people to open. Fortunately, my brother and I qualified. The conditions reminded us of children’s sports camps in Poland in the 1970s, with poor, dirty rooms in barracks and only basic things like chairs, a table, a lamp, and a plank wardrobe. At that time Poland was a very poor socialist country, and people had a very low material standard of living. Now we’re in the 22nd century of prosperity, but Les Jardins de la Balme apparently sees no need to modernize while clients keep coming, at least until the building is no longer usable. I strongly advise potential guests not to stay at this depressing, unpleasant, uncomfortable place. And in response to the local guide’s annoying opinion, it’s not true that paying one tenth of the price of a four-star hotel means getting one tenth of its standard. You pay a normal price for an apartment and get one hundredth of what you’d get in a four-star hotel.

The location was the one good thing. The rest was awful. Four of us were in a room meant for four, and no staff were there when we arrived. We found a dirty frying pan, just one coffee cup and two plates, four glasses all different sizes, and half a coffee machine with its glass pot missing. The radiator was broken, with only two of its ten settings working, giving us either Arctic cold or the flames of Dante's 9th circle in hell. There was only one key for all four of us, mold in the bathroom, and beds like prison beds with cigarette burns. We had three outlets, one already taken by the microwave. The floors were extremely dirty, and the kitchen was phone-booth sized. We tried cooking once, but the lack of a kitchen fan made it impossible. Worst of all, the sheets we got on arrival were filthy. With no staff available, we had to sleep on them the first night. After we complained, we got six coffee cups and clean sheets. The coffee machine only started working on the day we left, seven days later. I wouldn’t go back even if they paid me.