The Tarbet Hotel

The location is five-star, absolutely beautiful, but the room cleanliness was appalling. The shower tray overflowed, and the drain was clogged with loads of hair and soap scum. The floor was filthy too, so I spent five minutes cleaning it with toilet roll and water. We ended up walking on towels for the night. Breakfast was a spread of rotten fresh produce, overcooked sausages, uncovered beans that had gone hard, and hard pastries. Customer service gets two stars. I spoke with manager Claire Mulgrew, who offered a 50% refund, but it never came through. A complimentary stay was offered instead. What a poor show. With better management, this could be an amazing venue.

We stayed two nights, and I'm glad it wasn't longer. The staff were really friendly and made an effort with everyone. The hotel was well heated, the bed was comfortable, parking was plentiful and the location was good. Dinner was better quality than breakfast, though neither was exciting. I don't know why they use fresher, better ingredients at dinner and not in the morning. The hotel is still a little better than an average place like Premier Inn. I've stayed at the nearby Arrochar Hotel too, and on balance I'd choose that next time.

For the Loch Lomond views, you could park nearby and sleep in your car; you'd be more comfortable. The hotel looks breathtaking from outside, and sits in a glorious spot less than a two-minute walk from the Loch Lomond cruise jetty. If you're passing, stop for a drink or something to eat, take in the views, then move on. The accommodation was nightmarish. The lift is apparently rated for six people by the manufacturer, but a handwritten note says it's safe for only two. It's covered floor to ceiling in carpet that looks and smells like it's from the 1960s. We were first put in room 124. It was dirty, painted a shade of baby nappy content, and had windows screwed shut so they couldn't be opened. Staff apparently didn't know about that when we asked to move after the first night. The room was basic, with virtually no storage in the bathroom, which didn't seem recently cleaned. The shower plug was full of hair. We moved to room 228 mainly because its windows opened for fresh air. It was just as dated and unclean, with marks on the walls, loose covers on plug sockets and a bad smell throughout. Breakfast was frankly a joke. The buffet was left to congeal into a warm mass or dry out beyond being edible. Staff were pleasant, but seemed to have no direction or investment in making the hotel welcoming for visitors. Tables in the breakfast room and bar went uncleared for hours, especially those outdoors and out of sight.

The public areas were busy and had a nice vibe, and the staff seemed nice. We didn't eat in the restaurant or use the bar, so I can't comment on those. The hotel's in a good location, and a little sprucing up could make it a wonderful place to stay. We had a comfortable stay, though it's clearly in need of maintenance. There were buckets catching water in the hallways and signs of old water damage on the ceilings. Our shower barely had heat or pressure, and the shower gel bottle was just left on the floor. One mug was chipped and needed replacing, and there were dead wasps on the window ledge. The wardrobe smelled like a heavy smoker had spent an hour in it. There was no chair at the desk, and the linen felt a bit thin. Small things on their own, but together they took away from the stay. We paid £144 for a superior double with breakfast through booking.com on a discounted genius rate. At that price, it felt like a good deal for a decent night's sleep and a decent enough breakfast. At the full rate of £170+, it'd have been overpriced. The website shows some rooms at over £230, which this definitely isn't worth.