Coulsdon Manor Hotel and Golf Club

The rooms are large, with a queen bed and a kettle for tea and coffee. The bathroom could use some updating, and the outside of this very old building needs a bit of TLC too. I love that they welcome dogs, and I'd definitely recommend it.

We were here for a wedding at Woldingham Golf Club. I last stayed around 2004 for another wedding, and the decor seems unchanged since then. Our room was spacious, but scaffolding blocked the view. The carpet was stained, the bed felt damp, and the open window didn't really hide the wet dog smell. The bathroom felt old too, with dark limescale in the toilet and a cold tap leaking onto the unit. The wall-mounted hair dryer had yellowing plastic. There weren't many usable sockets. Several had round holes that couldn't be used; at least I could use the upside-down one by the vanity for my straighteners, unlike the one in my friend's room, where there wasn't room beneath it to plug anything in. The knob to open the door from inside was very stiff, and there was no way to lock it from inside. Breakfast was okay but lukewarm. The staff were helpful, and we ate there on the first night. The main courses were hit and miss, and the crumble was burnt. The place is dusty and very dated, and really needs a complete overhaul. I thought it was overpriced and wouldn't return unless it had been fully refurbished.

We stayed overnight after attending a wedding. The grounds were beautiful, especially for spending time with the other guests and taking photos on such a special day, and the location was easy to get to. Staff did all they could to make us comfortable and were very helpful. Our clean room could do with updating. The quality of these things was very good.

A few things went well: most of the staff were nice, the bed was comfortable, and the hotel sorted out a booking hiccup after I explained it. I'd booked through a third party. The state of the hotel was really poor, though. In the corridor, stained ceiling panels were buckled and looked dreadful. In our room, some sockets had round pin holes. I needed to use a CPAP machine, so we had to trail its lead across the room. Other sockets had the same issue, and one was so close to the shelf below that a plug wouldn't fit. The curtains were hanging off the rail. The bathroom was grotty: a stained toilet, a bath that looked filthy, taps that barely turned on, and gunge under a handle. The light above the mirror had a dusty grid, and its heat made the whole room very hot. We opened the window as far as it would go. The pedal bin beside the loo was dirty, and the pedal didn't work, so you had to open it by hand. Both nights we could hear the man next door talking on the phone. He wasn't shouting, but his deep voice carried through the thin walls into the early hours, after 3am. I had to rap on the wall a few times. Breakfast was okay, but I wish they'd put out separate tongs clearly for vegetarian food so we didn't have to ask each time. I'd also move the black pudding to the other serving tray, with the rest of the meats. The staff were pleasant, but this hotel won't be taking first, second or third place on Four in a Bed. I took photos of the areas I mentioned, though I can't see how to add them. I wouldn't leave a review this poor without evidence.