Talland Bay Hotel

The hotel’s position above the sea is lovely, and the staff were its strongest point: friendly and professional. We spent four days there, though, and felt the experience fell short of its mostly good reviews. In our view, it isn’t a luxury hotel, despite that description appearing online and in its literature. We found the Alice in Wonderland theme startling. The silver-painted wood panelling, black mannequin with a lampshade for a head, silver panel showing a woman’s rear, multicoloured banisters, checkerboard walls, pixies, fairies, model of an elderly man and oversized painted budgerigars in the garden all added up to something that felt more like a poor children’s party venue. Mixed with more conventional furnishings, it came across as confused and tacky. Our room felt dated, with distressed furniture, plastic flowers and palm leaves, an off-white duvet with no throw, and a flimsy net draped over the headboard and tied back with artificial orange leaves. The bathroom was well appointed, but neither of its two windows had blinds. The breakfast buffet looked impressive, though we didn’t have cooked breakfasts. Dinner didn’t live up to a two red rosette restaurant, and the dishes felt underwhelming in taste and presentation for their prices. The £32 lamb shoulder was a small stack of overcooked vegetables with little pieces of stringy, bland lamb and no fresh vegetables in sight. The £39.50 roasted sea bass was a small piece of fish with limp skin, set on much the same vegetable stack. The £19.20 roasted crown prince squash was bland and poorly thought out, again without any green vegetable. The whole dish was beige. The Sunday roast was the best meal I had, appetising and served with fresh, vibrant vegetables. Interestingly, that was the only day the head chef was off duty. The hotel has a dog-friendly dining area, but it was off-putting to see a guest feed her dog with hotel cutlery while a staff member looked on smiling. When we left, I paid the bill and gave my feedback to the receptionist. She handled it very professionally and wrote down the points I raised. The General Manager later called to discuss them. He was polite and listened, but since the hotel had clearly put a lot of effort into its theme, presumably under his watch, I wasn’t convinced much would change. His explanation that the theme was meant to “invoke childhood memories” was telling. It’s a lovely building in one of the best coastal spots around. With a classical makeover, updates and a rethink of the food menu, it could be a high-end venue with the rates to match. At £1880 for four nights on half board, though, we felt it promised more than it delivered.

The picture-perfect location made a lovely setting for our celebration afternoon tea. The food was excellent, the service was great, and we thoroughly enjoyed it.

The location is beautiful, and the hotel has an unusual mix of Alice in Wonderland and Art Deco decor. The staff were helpful and friendly. Prices were the drawback: £7.50 for a can of lager and £18 for a prawn cocktail starter both seemed excessive. In general, prices across the business felt high.

There’s distinctive decor and art in every corner, and the rooms feel luxurious. Add delicious food and views to die for, all in a stunning spot on Cornwall’s south coast between Looe and Fowey. A fabulously quirky hotel.