Alexander House And Utopia Spa

The restaurant got my order wrong, serving trout when I’d asked for cod, and we waited around 20 minutes between courses. The spa was worse still. My treatment room was freezing, the sheet in the photo looked dirty, and I couldn’t stop sneezing afterwards from being so cold. I booked a one-hour massage but the therapist only gave me 40 minutes. That felt completely unacceptable and shockingly unprofessional. It was the worst treatment I’ve ever had. The room felt more like a university dorm than a hotel room, with dated, tacky décor. A lot of the old facilities no longer work, and to me this feels like a three-star hotel at best. Everything is wildly overpriced. I’m happy to pay for good service and quality, but this was a disappointing, substandard experience, and it isn’t about the money.

The setting around Alexander House is lovely, and it’s well placed for walks or cycling in the countryside and visits to Wakehurst and Hever Castle. The village drive up to the hotel was quaint too. I stayed for 3 days, 2 nights, in the Eucalyptus suite, which looks out over green scenery. It’s in the modern part of the building, so I did miss some of the historic character the rooms on the other side have. Katie at the Utopia Spa was a pleasure, and I’d recommend her treatment. The reception team, including Samuel and two lovely ladies whose names I can’t remember, were kind during check-in and throughout. Restaurant staff were wonderful at both dinner and breakfast. Dinner was nice, especially the apple crumble. A few things brought the stay down a little. The gym is pretty basic, and both the gym and studio ceilings were leaking quite a bit during my visit. My room was by the corridor door to the suite area, so as a light sleeper I heard people chatting as they came through, and housekeeping in the morning. The bathroom was nice, but the towel warmer never came on. The room was a tad cold, and I couldn’t raise the temperature. Breakfast on both mornings disappointed me: the vegetarian full English on the first day and the omelette on the second were too oily for my taste. The continental options were good, though.

The spa was a highlight, with properly hot pools, a sauna, a good choice of treatments, and a relaxation room I could happily stay in all day. I’d probably book a package, though, since I personally wouldn’t spend 100-150 just on a massage. Service was really good, and I’d definitely return for the spa and rooms. My stay was relaxing and comfortable. The bed was extremely comfy, and even the least expensive rooms were spacious, a good temperature, and had lovely bathrooms. There was plenty of tea, biscuits, and coffee-making stuff. Food was OK. The Sunday roast didn’t exceed expectations, but at 45 for three courses and drinks I can’t complain too much. Breakfast was included and the buffet was decent. My eggs Benedict was a bit disappointing, the egg needed another 45 seconds to a minute and the hollandaise was too vinegary for me.

The food was the one thing we weren’t keen on, and I wish there had been better options. Otherwise, the staff were lovely, patient with us, and gave great service. Mum and I booked a spa day with a treatment, our first time at a spa hotel, and had a great experience. Six hours definitely wasn’t enough for us 😂. I totally recommend the Oskia Luxury Face and body ritual, which Mum found very relaxing. The rooms and facilities were all good for us.