Triton Garden Hotel

A naked teenager woke me at 4 in the morning, running around and shouting “PHIL.” The receptionist, Phil, was also awful and charged for air conditioning. The rooms are dated, and the food was terrible apart from the chips. For a place that’s apparently rated three stars, it fell far short of what I experienced. This place is cheeks. DO NOT GO!

For food, expect the same leftovers most of the time, with no fruit or desserts. The rooms and hotel feel badly dated, almost like prison cells, and they smell. The beds are uncomfortable, and the bathroom makes it hard to get a proper shower. Air conditioning costs 8 euros a night, too. The advertised walk to the beach is 10 minutes, but it’s closer to 30. The hotel is beside a main road, so passing cars and people can make it loud. It’s supposedly a three-star hotel, but it’s far from that. I wouldn’t recommend it.

The staff were lovely, especially Smiley, and our room was clean, though it was quite old and could use some improvement. We paid for all-inclusive, but the food quality was poor and there wasn’t much choice or variety. Breakfast meant two kinds of cold cuts, eggs, unpleasant “baby” sausages, and the same cucumbers and tomatoes each day. Fruit options were limited to melon or grapefruit. The main dishes barely changed either. We saw the same meatballs served three different ways, along with other dishes that were hard to recognize and tasteless. You can’t expect every meal to suit everyone, but paying for full board and then going out to restaurants every day to eat well was frustrating. We stayed seven days and skipped dinner altogether on day four. Draft beer, wine, and soft drinks were unlimited, but coffee was only served at set times. Soft drinks weren’t included in the package and had to be paid for separately.

The managers were somewhat decent, and the pool was really good. That’s about all I liked. I wouldn’t pay for all-inclusive: breakfast wasn’t included except on the day we left, and the pool bar had only soft drinks, one beer on tap, and two wines. Cocktails cost €7 even with all-inclusive, and weren’t available before 7 pm. The room was about what you’d expect, except you have to hold the shower head because there’s no wall mount. All three meals were buffet-style, and the food barely changed from day to day. The cooks were shambolic. I ended up eating mostly vegetarian for the week because it was so bad. When I tried meat again, it was raw in the middle, and I found a hair in my pasta. I refused to eat there for the remaining days. If the price is tempting, pay extra to stay somewhere else. It isn’t worth it.