Hotel San Remo

The breakfast had no real choice, just oily scrambled eggs and two arepas. Our linen was stained and the towels were wet or already used. The place was filthy, and there seemed to be no control over who came in. People next door were doing drugs. I had a bad experience and wouldn’t recommend it at all.

The room was filthy, had bugs, and smelled like someone had died in it. For me, it wasn’t worth $30 a night.

I thought I’d booked a private room, but it turned out to be a shared stay, with plenty of friendly roaches. The room also had poor airflow, though I managed. I fell asleep in the pool, and my new roach buddy, Poach, died. The roaches tasted like the good kind of sunscreen. Don’t stay if you want to keep your buddy alive. I stayed with my teacher, Mr. Childrenlover. I’m a child, and he says I’m special. He’s more than a teacher to me. The Zimbabwean staff were scrumdidlyumptious. They locked me in my room, but I’m an introvert, so don’t worry. I got more time with Mr Childrenlover and the roaches. Someone pounded on my door in the middle of the night, probably the neighbours. I cried the whole time, but I had a good time.

We booked through the app, but when we got there the hotel cancelled our reservation. Their only solution was to cancel it with no fee, yet they still acted like they might charge us even though they were the ones cancelling. Totally unacceptable.