Mona Lisa Wellness & Spa

The rooms are cozy and clean, the bathrooms are nice, and there's a small, clean pool. The food is where it falls down. Breakfast is the same every day, and dinner is much the same. Sometimes I had trouble finding something I wanted to eat. I'd put it at about 2.5.

The hotel itself was good, and the rooms were clean. I especially liked where it was located. The food, though, was a huge disappointment. I've never had worse meat or soup in my life. It was disgusting.

We came because the place advertised “Best Pizzas in Podczele.” Turns out that undersells it, these are the best pizzas in Poland. True story. The drinks are just as memorable. The ladies behind the bar make them taste great and decorate them beautifully, like something that belongs in a decorating contest. Check out my photos. Podczele is sleepy, and even though this isn't the only place to eat, we'd still make the effort to come here. The other option is Green Port, which I don't recommend because it's pricey and unfriendly. The atmosphere is kitschy 80s rock meets gentlemen's club, with lots of German retirees. It makes you feel young in no time, better than Botox. For a night out in good old Podczele, the bar at Mona Lisa is your best and only option. One note, like many other Polish businesses, they've raised prices recently. Pizzas are up about 30%, and drinks 15%. The menu is in the photos.

The location is great for long walks and bike rides, with the beach nearby. The sea was too rough for swimming. Mona Lisa is 3.5 km from Kohlberg on foot, and you can take the bus too. Around Mona-Lisa in Podcele there are places to get snacks and drinks, some restaurants, an arms shop, and a small airport for sport planes. It's a good hotel, with okay food and plenty of options, mostly traditional Polish dishes or pizza. Vegetarians have few choices, and meat is hidden in several dishes. Our room wasn't one of the pretty ones: it was small, had no balcony, fridge, or water boiler. The pool is nice for children and people who don't swim, and only the Finnish sauna was open. I wouldn't recommend it for health treatments. The doctor's appointment lasted less than five minutes before he prescribed magneto, laser, and electric therapies, without any personal work, and they didn't seem effective. The lymphatic treatment area and steam sauna were locked. I had to push to get a massage included in my booking, and it lasted only ten minutes, though it was a good massage. The cosmetic lady didn't want to recommend anything or book an appointment, saying she had too many clients, but whenever I passed by, she seemed to have nothing to do. Most of the other staff were friendly, and the kindest person of all was the blonde lady at reception.