Cumberland Resort and Spa

I booked this as the island’s only four-star hotel and its most expensive, based on the listing on CitiTravel. I felt scammed. The listing promised breakfast, restaurants, a bar, a coffee shop and even a beach, but there was no restaurant, cafe, bar or beach nearby. The rate I paid included breakfast, which wasn’t available. It also advertised a 24-hour front desk, a hair salon, bowling alley, golf course on site, safe deposit boxes, concierge, free airport transfer and free half-day tour. The transfers and tour weren’t actually free. I don’t mind the small cost, but being misled is unpleasant. Other guests could be paying for an on-site golf course or sauna that don’t exist either. When I was surprised to hear from the “reception manager” that there wasn’t even breakfast, she told me the photos were from other hotels and they were trying to remove them. That’s not just a photo issue. The listing itself makes these claims to lure customers under false pretences. Their highlighted photo shows a neat building among lush vegetation on a hill, and she admitted it was another hotel. Hotels.com makes fewer false claims, but it still advertises a “free daily manager’s reception”, the kind of guest gathering some boutique hotels host. That wasn’t offered. When I asked the manager about it, she acted as if she didn’t understand the phrase and said she was the reception manager, as if that settled it. I can’t be sure she was acting in bad faith. Maybe she really didn’t understand and was an innocent employee who didn’t know about the owner’s disloyal tactics. The actual place looks nothing like the listings and photos. It felt more like a two-star apart-hotel than a four-star hotel, and there’s no air conditioning. It’s on dry, dusty ground, and I found two dead cockroaches in my room as well as live ones that were too quick to photograph. The rooms are made of metal and wood, somewhat like prefab buildings. The internet was abysmal. The network that seemed to work required a voucher, which I wasn’t given because the woman said that network no longer existed. She kindly gave me the code for the admin network, but it only worked near reception. The proper network, “CumberlandGuest”, either wasn’t available or showed “no internet”. I paid for a breakfast, an on-site restaurant and bar, and especially a beach that weren’t there. Being taken in like this felt awful. False advertising and these shameful practices are damaging Norfolk Island’s reputation. The hotel should be shut down. In some countries, false advertising is fraud and can bring huge fines. I can see why other people have left positive reviews. If you don’t book based on the listing, weren’t expecting a beach or golf course, and don’t travel much or focus on star ratings, your experience may be fine. I choose hotels based on their listings, and I’m not the only one who does. This place doesn’t represent the wonderful, friendly people of Norfolk Island. Sadly, I’ll probably remember this for years. Shame!

We spent a week here as two couples in one of the two-bedroom executive rooms. Both bedrooms were a reasonable size, had ensuites and opened onto a private balcony. Each had a small free-to-air TV. The kitchen was small but fully equipped, with a large fridge, dishwasher and provisions including juice, eggs, bread, jams, tea and coffee. There was a small table for four and a lounge with two couches and a Foxtel TV. The rooms opened onto a covered entertaining area with a large gas BBQ and a table for six. There are room options from these units to a standalone house, with family units up to five bedrooms. Laundry and a shared BBQ area are available. There’s a large heated spa, and a beauty spa that currently has no staff. The resort is a bit old and could use some TLC. When we reported an issue, staff responded quickly, for example, they replaced a fire alarm battery that was beeping. It isn’t a typical four-star place, though I’d say it compares with most Norfolk Island accommodation apart from the few more expensive lodges and hotels. The hire cars are fairly priced but all aged, as there aren’t many new cars on the island. The location is handy, at the end of the main street and a short walk from the brewery, RSL, shops and cafes. The staff and owner were friendly, and seemed to appreciate being told about problems so they could deal with them.

The resort is in a good position and the staff were good, but the place is quite shabby. I still can’t understand how it gets so many four- and five-star reviews. The website is deceptive: some pictures on the Cumberland site show a great pool and lovely restaurant, but they’re actually of the South Pacific resort next door. When I asked why, the manager said Cumberland visitors must have taken the photos and they’d been trying to get them removed without success. I asked if that was legal. I also wasn’t happy with the bathroom, and later that day they moved us to a much nicer room.

Tima and her team made us feel welcome from the moment we arrived at the Cumberland, then showed us around. The rooms were large, spotlessly clean and had everything we needed. The grounds and gardens were tidy and well maintained, in keeping with most places we visited on the island. It isn’t shiny and new like a big-city hotel, but that felt fitting. The local avocados were a thoughtful touch and made great breakfasts. My wife also enjoyed adding chillis from the garden, while keeping Tima’s warning about how potent they are in mind. We had plenty of clean, good-quality towels and crisp linen. The robes were great too, and fitted me better than the mini-shirt style I’ve had at flashy places. The location is excellent, just a couple of minutes’ walk from restaurants and shops. Having a hire car was handy for seeing the rest of the island. Norfolk Island is fascinating and very different, and running a business there clearly has its challenges. Everything shipped in is unloaded by hand, so supplies can be scarce, expensive or sometimes unavailable. Leave pretentious expectations at home, bring a sense of humour and an open mind and heart, and you’ll meet wonderful people with old-world values that have been lost on the mainland. Thanks to Tima and the Cumberland team for making us feel at home in your beautiful little corner of paradise!