Josh B.
I slept well for all three nights in a clean room with a nice new TV and a comfortable bed. There was poop left by the fat man, though. The rest of this review sounds like a completely wild dream: a burly European man/woman throws me out a window, I come back with broken ribs and get attacked again, then Gru and his minions save me and fix me up. There are bizarre characters everywhere, including Lester Crest, Lord Shaxx, the "Shaxx touched me" clan, and Joeysworldtour, plus a pastrami chair, a bathroom intruder who threw a newspaper at me, and naked sumos under the bed. Gru and his minions fight them with meatball sandwiches, and later Lester slaps me with salami and salmon. Gru says I am a great candidate for the pastrami chair, which seems to have pictures of him on it. Five stars.
