Hotel Primus Valencia

I’m here for work and didn’t pay for the room myself. If I had, I’d be asking for my money back. The elevators keep breaking, the room was freezing, and both the hair dryer and shower head were broken. There was mold in the shower, the soap was lousy, and there was no conditioner. My key would stop working at random, and nobody on staff apologized. Easily the worst hotel I’ve stayed in. It deserves one star.

You can hear everything from the rooms next door and the floors above. During my stay, children were running and yelling in the room overhead until 1 a.m., with constant loud thuds against the ceiling. I wouldn’t choose this hotel during the holiday season, especially if a quiet night’s sleep matters to you.

Breakfast was a letdown. The machine coffee was average, and the sausages and bacon were greasy and sitting in oil, though there was fresh fruit, juice, and pastries. Downstairs, the restaurant serves lunch from 1:30 to 4 and dinner from 8:30 to 11. The Caesar salad, cheesecake, red Rioja, and paella were excellent. I wouldn’t order the entrecote again, some of it was tough and some fatty. Prices seemed perhaps typical for Spain. The location is handy, with two big shopping centers across the road, the main sights nearby, and the airport not far away. There’s underground parking. Staff at reception know how to manage large groups. Wi-Fi worked well, but each floor has its own network and password, so ask for another login if you want to connect in the lobby. The standard room was roomy, with enough space for bags and plenty of hangers. A small coffee table and a couple more chairs would have suited the space. The large safe fit my 15-inch laptop. The laminate floor looked as if it had been scrubbed with lots of water: the joints were raised and there were gaps of about 1 mm in places. In the bathroom, the hand soap and shower gel came in dispensers, and there was body lotion and a bidet. There were no rails for hanging hand-washed clothes, and no slippers or bathrobes, which I’d expect in a four-star hotel. The minibar had water, cola, and crisps. One 0.5-liter bottle was complimentary on arrival, but housekeeping didn’t replace it with free water. The outdoor pool is free, though very small. The spa costs 18 euros per hour just to use the sauna and jacuzzi, without treatments.

Breakfast was good, at least. But it’d be nice to have a kettle in the room so I could make tea in the afternoon instead of asking the bar for boiling water like it’s some rare vintage. One costs 10 euros for two years, which works out to a cent per room per night. I’d gladly pay that extra cent for tea in my room.