Charlemont Arms Hotel

Basil Fawlty would blush at the service. If you liked Fawlty Towers, come on in and knock yourself out, unless the smell from the men's toilets puts you off first. We called in for lunch today while supporting a lady with learning disabilities. It was our first and last visit. The receptionist/server barely acknowledged us. Her manner when taking our order was perfunctory, to put it kindly. Good manners cost nothing, but bad ones cost repeat business. We both said thank you each time, and got no acknowledgement, let alone a "you're welcome." Maybe she was under the weather, as she had a cough. That's only an observation, but perhaps she should wash her hands after coughing before touching the desk phone or cutlery. The food wasn't good. The chips were anaemic, the Christmas lunch had a lettuce garnish, and the plastic ramekins might help stop the famous Armagh ramekin thief. The men's toilet was already a biohazard at lunchtime. It needs a deep clean: yellow stained urinals and a filthy mirror. I didn't need to use a cubicle, thank the Lord, as I already had an image of 'Trainspotting' in my head. We waited ages at the desk to pay. The only time the server said "thank you" was far too late to be angling for a tip. When I asked for a receipt, she looked at me with utter contempt and slammed it down on the counter, as if I'd burned her house down. If you're going in this evening, bring her some Lockets and Lemsip. Maybe that'll cheer her up.

I've been here many times before and the food used to be fine. After a few months away, I called in again and left really disappointed. I ordered chicken goujons and chips, but the chips were reheated, the salad was old, and I got only three small chicken goujons. Very disappointing...

The room was an absolute pigsty and should be considered a health hazard. When I tried to move to a better one, my request was scorned. The restaurant food was abysmal, and the waiters were impatient and "forgetful". During a quiet period I waited 45 minutes for a meal, and it arrived cold. From the moment I walked in, the staff were incredibly rude, even mocking me, I'd say, because of my southern accent. I heard people say "fenian" behind my back, though I didn't confront them. The woman at the desk was incredibly unkind, with an ugly soul. The whole place reeks of seediness and disrepair. Gary Forster deserves a dishonorable mention for making the stay memorable, but not in a way that leads to a happy customer. This was truly one of the worst hospitality experiences I've ever had, more hostility than hospitality. Steer clear of this place👌

We were the only customers when we stopped in for lunch at 3:30pm on a Sunday. The staff were using bad language, and when I asked about GF options, the response wasn't something anyone would leave smiling about. The food wasn't nice and the experience wasn't pleasant.