Tuk Tuk Hostel

The staff were genuinely nice and helpful. The place itself felt sketchy, though, and was hard to find, tucked away in the middle of nowhere. Doors were left open all the time, so I didn't feel secure. On the other hand, it was almost empty, so you might book a dorm bed and have the whole place to yourself. If you want somewhere quiet without having to interact with dorm mates, it could suit you.

The best part was the setting, right in Alfama, a historic area with great views, and about a 10-minute walk from the city center. The room itself was dirty, with mold on the walls and dirty blankets. There was nowhere to hang clothes and barely enough room for two people to move around. The bathroom was worst: tiny, and the sink was so hard to use that washing your hands was a struggle.

Getting here means going up a hill, so if you've got lots of luggage, take public transport or a taxi unless you want to arrive sweaty. The central location is handy, and the price seems fair for what you get. Picture two second-floor flats converted into a hostel: when full, nearly 20 people share two bathrooms. There's a tiny kitchen and no lounge for eating. Dorm beds have USB phone chargers, but using or charging a laptop could be difficult. The Wi-Fi is so weak you may not want to anyway. Reception is tiny, and some staff don't speak English, so Google Translate might help more than gestures.

The sheets were clean, which was the one good thing. The location was just average, though Lisbon's easy enough to walk around. The bathroom was awful: one room with the toilet, sink, and shower, often no toilet paper, and a disgusting yellow, dirty shower curtain. If someone was in there, people lined up and knocked impatiently. Wear flip-flops on that floor. At night it was restless until 3am, with people shouting, cooking, talking loudly, and running in and out of the dorms. There were no lockers you could lock. Check-in was after 2pm, and storing luggage before then cost 5€. At 8am checkout, nobody was at reception, so we had to wake a staff member sleeping in our dorm. He told us to leave the keys on our beds and go. We did, and never came back.