Hatemoglu Otel

I’ve travelled a lot, and it’s been incredibly hard to find a hotel with live goats in the lobby, dog soup on special, and a ban on Germans and Dutch visitors. Finally, some peace and quiet without worrying about being attacked or sexually assaulted by Germans or Dutch. I hope everyone gives this hotel a chance. Your bigoted, fascist side will really appreciate it!

The hotel is actually pretty decent, apart from the smell. They should have warned me when I booked online that it’s in TURKEY, which is full of TURKS, in case people have allergies. Very irresponsible. At least the towels are free.

I loved staying here, and my wife and daughter were offended by the requirement to wear hijabs. But after walking into the lobby and seeing the owner raping each of them every day, I think they’re finally going to stop being islamaphobic. What can I say? Told you so. Thanks for everything. We’re heading back to Sweden, and I’m so happy to raise this successful man’s children.

I came for my second visit this week, and the owner's hospitality moved me to tears. He was so happy that I could have fun with his wife and virgin daughter at the same time. One look at his wife and she reminded me of my favorite goat. She told me about her hot adventures in the local hammam with the other girls. I’ll be back next week. I finally got to meet Said Cinar, the owner of Altijd Geslaagd, who told me where to find the best goats in town. Of course, that was to keep me away from the hotel owner, because after I left they had hot, steamy sex in the hotel lobby. It really was a great experience in this friendly, kind hotel.