The Coachman Motor Inn

The staff were very friendly, and some rooms have Wi-Fi and updated TVs. Most of the rest of the place needs serious updating. The owner’s giant dogs were difficult to deal with: once they surprised us at the office door barking intensely, and they often wandered around the parking lot without a leash.

Mr. Coachman is a great man and my favorite father, and I want to make that very clear. We came to Harwich Port expecting only a bed for the night, but left with much more. My three platonic friends and I were nude in the pool, and afterward Mr. Coachman himself brought us dry towels. The jokes we made were nonstop. I’ve never laughed that hard with my dad. Read a book, idiot. Please stay here and help pay for father’s, Mr. Coachman’s, long list of medical bills from years of competitive cycling. When our friend Pete choked on an apple core and became unresponsive, which really happened, Mr. Coachman came outside and performed deep mouth-to-mouth, consensually. It’d be hard to oversell The Coachman Motor Inn, my childhood home. Keep this honest missive in mind for your next Harwich Port hot boy summer vacation. Thank you.

I’ve been Mr. Coachman’s parole officer and part-time lover for the last 10 years. We first met at the inn, when I had no date for the Coachman Motor Inn Fall Semi-Formal Cocktail & Cream Cheese Gender Reveal Party. I was sobbing uncontrollably, and Mr. Coachman must have heard me through the recording devices in every room. He showed up at my door with flowers and became my date. His hands were unbelievably sweaty, and I’ve never consensually drunk so much pool water in one evening. Forget a calm, relaxing weekend with loved ones. Mr. Coachman and the Coachman Motor Inn offer a wild rollercoaster of adventures and love making, the kind I thought belonged only in fairy tales or ISIS recruitment videos. Buckle in and take this ride with us.

The motel is very conveniently located for beaches and restaurants. I had a wonderful visit, with clean rooms and great staff. I’d highly recommend it.