William Arnott Boutique Hotel

We stayed here after the cottages we'd originally booked were sold, and it worked for what we needed. But the smell in the upstairs bathroom was awful, apparently from Starlings nesting in the walls or ceiling. It made me gag. For higher-end accommodation, I'd also expect decent toilet paper, not the tissue-like stuff supplied.

I tried one of everything. The Portuguese tarts were the best I've ever had, with a lovely crunch and not too much sweetness. They were only at their best on the first day, though, since the base had lost its crunch by the next day. The sour cherry danish and escargot were good too, but again, best on day one.

A cockroach flew into my face while I was in bed, and the fly screens clearly need attention. The outdoor furniture was unusable, covered in spider webs and bird droppings. Even the breakfast felt poor, bought from a spa shop with Orchy as the juice. I emailed Allie about all of this and got no reply, even after texting to check she'd received it and give her time to respond. This is basic lodging in a run-down, uncared-for house, not a boutique hotel, and I felt ripped off. The place has history and potential, but it seems to trade on its name. It's no Monte Carlo, more like one big soggy sao. Stay away, which is a shame given the bones and history of the place.

Everything was clean, and I'd recommend the place. There was no TV, and the bathroom could use more light. They hadn't restocked the tea, so bring your own, and bring a large mug too if you like one, since they only have small cups.