The Malabar House

The Christmas dinner on 24-26 December was a rough experience. We had to book the mandatory meal, which wasn’t cheap, and a male staff member scolded us for not mentioning a food allergy earlier. Nobody had asked us about allergies, and they said the preprepared food couldn’t be adjusted for individual guests. Traditional musicians played through dinner, but the volume made an already stressful evening worse. The building itself is beautiful and the location is perfect, so this could have been a great choice. Our twin beds were comfortable but narrow. The rooms have no windows by design, and despite their looks they felt cold and not very cosy. There’s more I could say, but I don’t want to be mean. We won’t stay or eat there again.

I came across this place while walking around Fort Kochi about a year and a half ago, and stopped for sadya on Onam. The traditional setup made the meal feel special, and the staff were good. Everything was enjoyable, especially both of the payasams.

We had to ask for napkins, and the wine arrived lukewarm after a 15-minute wait. There was an Indian musician who was admittedly good, but the music was so loud we couldn’t talk. The meal cost double what I expected for half the quality. After three weeks in Sri Lanka and Kerala, this was the dullest dining experience, even compared with meals costing a tenth as much. We ordered six plates, and they were all overcooked and disappointing. The blue cheese polenta had a thick layer of something like a white, non-cheesy pudding over it. The seabass was overcooked and half the size of my friends’ portions. When the next table got a huge pile of calamari, we looked at each other: ours was the same dish, but just tiny, boring pieces. You simply don’t serve people like that. Even the 50 rupee pani puri I had on the beach the day before was a more pleasant meal.

At 8.30pm, staff told us a table would be ready in 30 minutes. We checked again after waiting 5-10 minutes, then waited in the lobby with mosquitoes. When I asked at 8.25pm, they said there was no table available. That’s extremely unprofessional and very poor service. We had come to Malabar House for dinner that evening.