Hawthorn Suites by Wyndham Greenville

The front desk woman was courteous when I asked for a different room, and told me another one was being cleaned. It took until around 4:00 p.m., an hour later, before I could inspect it. That room was just as run down as ours, though it smelled of cigarettes instead of urine. We checked out and went up the street to the Crowne Plaza, which is exceptional. We’d arrived around dinner and put our six-month-old to bed. The baby slept fine, apparently taking the urine smell as normal, but my wife and I lay awake wondering how we’d ended up in such a terrible hotel. Our room had stained carpet, chipped paint, holes in the walls, a moldy bathroom, a clogged toilet, and a strong smell of urine. The grounds were just as neglected: weeds in the parking lot, trash blowing around, peeling paint, stairs leaning away from their landings, and slippery, moldy decking in the courtyard. Inside, it felt like the damp, dirty apartment of the worst guy in college, with a strange mix of cigarette and body odor, dirty carpets, damaged walls, dusty bathroom vents, discolored caulk, and a spongy floor. The place made me want to leave as soon as I arrived. If you want a clean room and an easy night with your family, I’d avoid Hawthorn Suites by Wyndham in Greenville, South Carolina. If you’re after a run-down college apartment vibe, maybe you’d enjoy pretending to smoke a bowl under a black light while playing Bond and listening to Cypress Hill.

We booked a double queen three weeks ahead, but when we arrived they said they were sold out and “upgraded” us to a suite with one queen and a hide-away bed. Our first room was 85 degrees even with the air on, so we had to move. The hide-away bed was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve slept on in a long time. It had only sheets, no comforter, so I shivered through the short stretches of sleep between tossing and turning. The pool was closed off with yellow tape, and there wasn’t a single trash can in the room, not in the kitchen or either bathroom. For two mornings the only explanation for the empty “complementary breakfast” was that the food truck hadn’t arrived, so all we had was coffee and water. The air conditioning in the conference room was broken too, forcing our two full days of training into the lobby. WiFi kept dropping and was about as fast as dial-up when it worked. Outside, weeds grew through the parking lot and the flagpole had no flag. Inside, the carpet was dirty, stained, and ripped, and someone had written “So-in-so was here” on the living room wall. This place thoroughly sucked. The manager should be ashamed to have guests there.

My room was a pleasant surprise once I opened the door, since the outside looks a bit old and worn. A friendly woman handed me my keys, and the room itself was very nice. I was there 3/26/15-3/29/15. I wanted a king bed, but the queen worked fine. The TV felt dated, and in 2015 I expected to be able to connect my laptop to it. The walls and ceiling were thin enough that we heard people walking upstairs and a dog next door. Still, it’d be a nice place to get away for a while, and I’d likely stay again if I’m in the area.

The rooms smelled of cigarettes, alcohol, and dampness, and I wouldn’t take off my shoes or sit on the furniture. There were bugs, mold, and dirty appliances. The place was dark and disgusting, and the beds should all be burned. The bottom floor seemed to have flooded and never been cleaned properly, which might explain the foul smell coming from everything. Outside, the overgrown parking lot had feral cats, and the pool looked toxic from what I could see. Drunk, creepy men loitered there with open containers and liquor bottles in plain view. The few guests I saw seemed like borderline vagrants or prostitutes. It looks like a building that might once have been ghetto apartments, halfheartedly converted into a hotel. The place is a train wreck and should be condemned. Too bad there’s no zero-star option. Do not stay here. You might get some kind of infection or be assaulted by one of the few desperate people staying there. Management and the owners need to be held accountable for this inexcusable mess.